And another reason I hate goodbyes

I know that's not what the post below is about, but I wanted to add some of my words to Angela's great piece.

Last night we had a goodbye gathering at IJM for two of my favorite people here.  Mim was the first person to pick Angela and me up after our first night in Thailand.  Also leaving is Aimee who was the first person we saw in Thailand when she picked us up from the airport.  Both of them are off to "the next chapter in their lives" soon.  In fact, Mim is on her way today.

Goodbyes suck.

Click to see large intestines

At the gathering, our director went around the circle calling on each person to say something.  Our stomachs were full after a great meal of fish, prawns, pig intestines, ribs, mangosteen, rambutan, and durian.  It was soon apparent that our eyes were also full, ready to spill tears at the start of someone saying something too sincere.  Each time someone was about to breakdown, our director went to the next person.  Some people couldn't even start.  I didn't want to. 

I don't like to cry, but for some reason my face wants me to.  It gets all ugly and starts to reveal my emotions.  I don't like it.  But when I'm sad or hurt, I cry.

Last night, when it was my turn to say something, I made a bad joke, and quickly said a few things to these two people I love that were the same cliches everyone uses:  "I thank God that you are in my life. . . .  I remember the first time we met, it was hilarious," etc.  There was no way I was going to be able to say, "I love both of you.  Mim, you welcomed us to our new home with loving arms that set the tone for our entire year.  Thank you."  Then with a slight turn to the right, "Aimee, you are truly my sister.  Our time here would be missing such a special part without you.  You have been our guide, our friend, our reason for staying out until 3 a.m.  We cannot -- and do not want to -- imagine a Thailand without you.  Thank you."  

All of those things are so true, but I would never have been able to say them.  I can barely type them.

At least he's still handsome when he cries.

If there's anything I've learned this year, though, it is that authenticity and openness always win-out compared to trying to remain cool.  Always.  I'm the guy who likes to avoid the awkwardness by sneaking out early or joking my way out of things.  It keeps my eyes dry, but it blows a great opportunity to pay respect to the relationship with my friend.

I told Aimee today that I feel like goodbyes are a little like funerals.  You never want to say goodbye, but sometimes you have to.  In the process, you honor the memories and the friendship.  The main difference is that the deceased can't see your ugly cry-face.  That's why these goodbyes are better. 

Your friends get to see the ugly face you make, the awkwardness your choked words cause, and the nasty snot in the mustache, and they love you more because of it.

Goodbyes still suck.  But it's proof of a life lived in relationship, ugly cry-face and all.